As a pain scale , they are amazing things. they measure the amount of pain you are in the given moment. The problem is the pain scale is great if you fall off a house and go yes this pain is at a 9. But as a chronic pain sufferer, What does a 9 mean ? is that 3 more than your baseline? is it 9 more than your baseline. When you ask a doctor about it you get , Just tell me what it feels like. but when you live at a 6 in pain, and can tolerate a 10 what do you tell your doctor?

More times than not if I have injured myself my pain tolerance is epic, I have taken 24 needles to the legs while holding a conversation with a medical student. My figure is i have a rare condition this is the guys one chance to see a zebra for once and give him any knowledge i have. I even tell the student, My tolerances are higher than you can imagine. While i watch people wait for a nurse and scream their head off as a nurse goes by i find it a waste of time. I internalize my pain, I use every bit of concentration not to scream, and at times it does not work in my favor. You get a doctor that thinks he’s god, he will every time send you away with two Tylenol and a note in the system as “poss seeker”

Although … I’ve had my moments. Told the doctor my pain was at 9.5 , he said you don’t seem to have anything wrong . 4 hours later and the ER tried to wait me out , I forced my hand and asked for an x-ray. the funny part was getting the X-ray tech running off and than coming back with the doc and him going . shit it is broken!

But the scale that is on the wall is horseshit. 1 to 9 . with no arbitrary idea of where to start and end. I think there should be two scales. One scale for the mean pain , your chronic pain, your menstrual pain, your general pain. THan the scale on the wall

because if you are having a 6 day on your mean scale and on the other pain scale you are having an 8 . than put your end number at 14. so , 6 1 2 3 4 5 8 vs, Just 6 . So on a day where you are already at 9 , even a 4 on current charges is overwhelming. if my tolerance can go to 10 it does not mean i am functional at 10 , the Pain debt past 10 gets overwhelming quick. Can i function past 10 yes. Can i function at 20 .. no . but at a collective 15 it’s like walking around with a dead weight the size of yourself.

Both Scales should be there. that way a doctor gets a better baseline. If you are at a 2 mean and add a 7 for the wall scale , you can likely get away with a large dose of Motrin. but if you are at 5 and stack a 7 on it Motrin is like trying to put out a fire with pocket sand.

To a person with chronic pain life is like a flywheel that keeps us going. it may be a little out of balance, but the more out of balance it is when we have a critical failure like a fall . That flywheel might be putting us so far out of bounds that adding new weight to it (pain) we are in the worst state possible from a small weight (pain) .

So when I am in the hospital looking normal, sometime i have that coffee to my lips to keep me from screaming. I’d rather use that energy to divert to enjoying the coffee rather than throwing it in angry because I feel like something is killing me.

So on a day you see me sitting more than normal with a coffee and I’m not saying much . It’s not because I have a little to say , It’s because I am trying to keep centered and not trying to scream.