Well now…..

Well after posting for 15 years on my former site I’ve decided that i am going to give this a try again! This site is always dedicated to coffee and the world around me.  So topics will be widely ranged.  I feel now is a good time to restart things and I have mirrored all my old post which I admit was a pain in the ass to move.  So with little fanfare I will say this site is open and the coffee is brewing!

I keep looking at something and my life keeps me insane just enough to figure out I am forgetting this

Yes , I know .. It has been awhile, I am in a cycle of looking and than forgetting to update this site.  It’s deplorable, It’s damn shitty  at that.   This site has existed nearly 11 years and It has had its share of ups and downs.

I feel kind of shitty in the thought I have let this site go to an almost non-existence.  Its been a long three years and I can’t say that It was easy , I can not say it was hard either.  Things are starting to look up. I have my sanity…. Maybe?funny-cat-sanity-crazy-question

Somethings of course are starting to look down. My health has always been a contention in my life, I want to stay healthy and I cant say that I have kept up due to pain.  I live in pain every day.

Good morning are you happy to see me or is that caffeine in your underwear … Wait what?

Caffeine infused underwear.. Let that soak in for a moment or not .  Why in the hell would you want caffeine in your underwear? Worse yet its being marketed as a weight loss product!

The Federal Trade Commission said Wacoal America and Norm Thompson Outfitters, which owns Sahalie and others, were accused of deceptive advertising that claimed their caffeine-impregnated clothing would cause the wearer to lose weight and have less cellulite.

The bullshit factor is in the millions range at that point because if I counted all the Caffeine in my system at any given point i’d be about 2 pounds. Bullshit_Dock_Icon_by_XakorXDOf all the weird places to put caffeine , I think it would be underwear or ass.  Who ever thought of that must of been bored beyond sanity .

Coffee fillers…. What the hell did they learn there lesson from Pink slime?

In a world of cat and elephant shit coffee you’d expect your normal coffee to go untouched. That may be at an end.

Brazilian scientists have developed a new way of testing coffee grounds for fillers like corn, sticks (yep, as in wood), barley, and soybeans. The test, which detects the presence of sugars that wouldn’t normally be in pure java, is being presented at this week’s annual American Chemical Society meeting.

soo….. lets add some sticks and corn to my coffee and put it in the microwave …. mmmm Pop-tea-coffee-corn.  Not that this practice has been in use in the US yet. But if there is a test developed it means its in the pipeline.

“Adulterated coffee is something I’ve suspected in some work I’ve done in Russia and the Middle East, where there’s an extreme price point set for consumer products,” says Andrew Hetzel, a coffee industry consultant who leads training courses for the Coffee Quality Institute.

I guess we will all have to watch out for dunkin donuts and the like saying “CHECK OUT OUR NEW FLAVORS!” oh wait..

Dunkin Donuts to Launch First Hot Dark-Roast Coffee

Dunkin’ Donuts to Sell New Dark-Roast Nationwide Next Month

Dunkin’ Donuts, long known for its light coffee, is going dark, in the latest move to poach customers in the escalating java wars.

The unit of Dunkin’ Brands Group Inc. debuted its new dark-roast coffee, the first hot dark roast in its 64-year history, on Thursday at a Modesto, Calif., store, and plans to sell it nationwide starting Sept. 22.

Dunkin’ says the dark roast represents its most important coffee launch since it came…

Are coffees going to have the wonderful labels of common products that you don’t understand . Here’s a short list you might not want to read.

  • Polydimethylsiloxane

This is a common fast food additive, you’ll find PDMS include Silly Putty, anti-foaming agents, breast implants, dry-cleaning solutions, silicone and head-lice treatments. Yummy! 

  • Castoreum (You almost don’t want to know this one…)

Beaver anal juice can be commonly found in perfumes and colognes but are also sometimes used in raspberry products to enhance their flavor. wait what??  It can also be found in chewing gum and cigarettes. So the next time you have some gum or a cigarette folks … remember you are sucking beaver ass! Mmmmmmm….It is hard to imagine beaver anal juice enhancing the flavor of raspberries.

  • Silicon dioxide

Ever go to the beach and get sand in the crack of your ass that just wont go away ? Well, Silicon dioxide is added to coffee creamers.. While not gross, it ends up as fucking weird. its also in soups and salads. Maybe I just might bring a spoon to a beach and enjoy the seashore.

Ready to spit out beer? than read on ..

  • methylparaben

Find methylparaben in many wines, soft drinks, and fruit juice from concentrate… Enjoy it knowing that the additive originates in the vaginas of dogs when they are in heat. From the beavers ass to a dogs vagina.. mmmmmm…

  • Shellac

Secretions from the female Lac beetle used to finish wood products. Used as a candy coating…

So that’s what kind of fun is in foods that are preprocessed.  But all in all even if you did not know what you were ingesting..  No need to loose our fucking minds until they start adding raw dog shit as an ingredient.

 

In the end this list proves that there is no reason to add anything to coffee. Even though Arabica beans production is down this year by 10% there is no given reason to add sticks or any other random shit to coffee unless your rich, than you can add all the cat and elephant ass to your coffee you want.

I’ve quit smoking(cigarettes)* (part 2)

I’ve been smoking on and off my entire life and its a crutch that is hard to get away from .  When I first discovered E-cigarettes I found them to be a strange yet different but the same as smoking .  The first E-cigarette I has was shaped like a conventional cigarette. While its compact they do have a bit of a drawback , You have to buy cartridges that are getting up there in price. When I bought those they used to be about 4 to 6 dollars per pack of 5 cartridges, Not so much anymore.  Since Reynolds purchased the Blu the prices of carts have gone higher than $14 a pack which is fucking crazy , A few years back I got my hands on a different type E-cigarette. Since the innovations of e-cigarettes have improved there is one silly yet fun side effect to the better e-cigarettes. They tend to make you look like jedi’s with light sabers.

Innokin-SVDThese aren’t the cigarettes you’re looking for…
Light-Saber-Handle-psd61388  “This was the formal weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. More skill than simple sight was required for its use. An elegant weapon. It was a symbol as well. Anyone can use a blaster or a fusioncutter—but to use a lightsaber well was a mark of someone a cut above the ordinary.”
―Obi-Wan Kenobi

On the off chance lightsabers become a real thing , you could make some horrid mistake if you grabbed the wrong one.  The larger e-cigarettes though have many advantages, namely you do not have to deal with the cartridges. if you’re out and about with the smaller e-cig and your cart goes dry and you do have another on hand , its going to cost 15$ ,  while with the larger type you can carry a small vial or fluid to refill your E-cig at will. Also you have a much larger battery to your advantage, if you small e-cig goes dead you are stuck, with the newer ones you can just replace the battery with another one, while they are not standard batteries they do pack a punch and will last you most of the day if not more.

Another interesting area with e-cigarettes is where you can “smoke” them… You can go to a lot of places and just bust the thing out and vape away.  The rules around them are variable based on where you are. I’ve been in the middle of a  bowling alley and vaping away when the manager saw me and came over asking if i  was smoking a cigarette .  When he saw me smoking an E-cigarette he said those are OK to have inside.  Other times with the E-cig it comes down to personal preferences as far if you vape or not.

Though…. There is a stigma to E-cigarettes that both sides need to pay attention too.  From the Non-smoker end you have the jackasses , the ones that immediately start hacking a lung 40 feet away from you because they think they see “smoke” . I’ve had some jack assed people start fake coughing because I was “smoking” and it “Stunk” which Instantly made me reply to them. Yes I will be courteous to people who ask nicely but when you put on a show just to control the person around you without knowledge of what something is , Don’t go full fucktard and start running a drama display.  I’ve had to ask someone when they complained that my “cigarette” stinks “So the smell of watermelon is offensive , is cowshit appealing to you?”  Most times with e-cigarettes the sky is the limit to flavors , When you start you will stick to flavors that taste like a marlboro to you , but further down the line you will be into what ever flavors you fancy at the time and most are appealing to even a nonsmoker and do not leave horrendous smells after.   A lot of businesses are putting e-cigarette vapers with smokers, and that point while they both deliver nicotine, the smokers group is alot more stinky .

From the E-cig vapers end they are also causing some issues. if your in a non-smoking establishment and you just vaping clouds and clouds of vapor , you tend to get smokers a bit upset , but not on the surface they are wanting to smoking.  When you watch people the smoke and your vaping , You can see them wanting to light up and not to which they tend to get a little itchy over.   For me , I tend to ask if i can vape in an establishment before I just bust out the E-cig, It makes it better for all.  Other places you just want to avoid altogether vaping. Most airlines have banned the practice for a few reasons. e-liquid can contain materials that can cause allergic reactions (depending on the flavors you can run across many allergy groups). I myself have found myself in a situation accidentally.

Going back to smokers and non-smokers there is another unfortunate area to cover. Bad knowledge. Every now and than you will hear someone shout up and down that E-cigarettes are worse than regular cigarettes . these are the people that make me want to puke fire at them.  They hear some random thing on some news source and run with it . One of my favorites is “You should not be smoking that you are smoking anti-freeze.” This came out a few years back and ended up widely debunked but to a small degree true.  The problem is while part of the fact is true most it is not. Spouting out this “fact” makes you look more like an ass than trying to be knowledgeable. While Propylene Glycol (PG) Can be considered an Antifreeze, so can a bottle of rum because both have a lower freezing point than water. Also Propylene Glycol is in a lot of everyday products that the average joe does not recognize and will spout that fact any time they can just to villainize the person vaping.  In any case you can just ask the person if they have had any Cosmetics, Soaps, Toothpastes, Cleansers, Body washes, Deodorants, Hair care products, Packaged Foods, Lotions, Creams, Moisturizers, Prescription topical medicines, Moist wipes,Shampoo,Shaving gels, sodas, Coffee, Cake, dessert, and brownie mix, Prepackaged cupcakes, donuts, and pastries, Salad dressings (especially ranch), Sauces (steak, barbecue, horseradish, etc), Sour creams, whipped-toppings .  At that point you should have a pretty disgruntled person and have put them in there place.

Aside from all this.. I’ve not had a regular cigarette in many many months and I am working my way to stop vaping.  Even when I have seen doctors they generally have less of a time harassing me over smoking when they realize that I have been using an e-cigarette vs a real cigarette.

Elephant shit coffee….. How about no?

When I learned of cat shit coffee I had a good laugh. 50$ for cat shitted coffee … awesome! Kopi Luwak may be a good tasting coffee but it will not outlive the connotations of where it came from.

thumbA Kopi Luwak maker in action.

Now they are trying to get elephants in on the deal and are selling this coffee at a premium. We can thank forbes for this intuitive article ….

In Thailand, a company called Black Ivory Coffee has 20 elephants eat coffee beans and crap out the seeds. They are then harvested (lovingly, I’m sure) from small mountains of elephant droppings and then processed into coffee that runs $275 for 30 espresso cups, or about half a gallon of coffee on the top end. The company selling it tries to talk consumers into buying a special $299 coffee brewer because, after all, when you’re spending hundreds of dollars on special coffee, you want a special way to brew it.

At some point or another this is going to pique the interest of the lower end coffee companies and they are going off on there own tangent in labs to make strange coffees to scare the average consumer into drinking something else.

At any given point you will see dunkin donuts and starbucks hanging around zoos trying there hand in the top in coffee markets and not really give a shit but they will sure take one to get into this market.

elephant-poopThe new Dunkin Donuts fast brew station with miralax speed

Does this coffee taste good? It likely does.. have you ever wanted to tell a stock broker or a CEO  to eat shit?  You likely don’t have to , They already have and liked it.  It must be strange to be sitting around and saying well if cats can make coffee why not elephants. Next thing it will be is Cow Shit Coffee , Ferret fart coffee, Zippy Zebra coffee, As there will be buyers lined up around the block with wallets stuffed if it gets enough fanfare.

More coffee….. We all need it some days.

Since I’ve moved into my new place, I have a conundrum for the ages.  As a drinker or better said a former drinker of outside coffee because I was too impatient to wait for the coffee pot , have the coffee cool down than make it into an iced coffee. I’ve bought coffees from almost every major company that served iced coffee.  But as the years press on and the coffee gets watered and cheapened its getting very hard to make a choice , Now i can’t blame the companies , Its more over the franchisees . There are problems all around, They have crazy employee turnover and skip on machines in order to earn more money.

stooges-1

Formally, You’d have well trained employees that could manipulate the machines , now they just do whatever the hell they please when making coffee. For the milk and cream containers they have straws that need to be cut to a certain length , You just do not see that anymore, also the portioning has gone fucking nuts. Dunkin Donuts for explain if you ask for extra sugar , You summon the Brimley god and have to sign a contract.

WilfordBrimleyI’ve said in other post that i’ve sort of cracked the enigma code of ordering from dunkin donuts, if you look at the receipts they do not list regular sugar/ Medium sugar /Extra sugar/Extra super Diabeetus sugar.  If you watch the cash register when you order a coffee you will see the coffee droid press the Sugar button with a fix amount of sugar 1 2 3 4 5 6 sugars normally, I’ve seen these go higher. For the poor souls that do not know this system and ask for extra extra sugar they normally get this in there coffee!

SugarThere maybe a dunkin donuts under that pile! After they get a bulldozer to check where it is .

Honey Dew on the other hand 95% of the time they are fairly good repulsing the Brimley god away, Even asking for extra sugar the does not quake with the Eventual resurrection of the Brimley god.  On a rare occasion at honey dew though you will get a new worker that makes the mistake of it but they are whipped tortured and appeased to the brimley god so he does not rise. My only problem with honey dew these days is travel time. I walk or ride my bike so its a little bit of a huff to get to my preferred coffee. Though my bike was just stolen not too long ago. So my options are not really that great right now due to limited travel and health issues and being disabled does not help me get a bike .

imageccsStarbucks ….. Is …. Special , there is no way about this, they are just damn special.  The last time I attempted getting coffee from there was a failure on all levels. Ten monkeys on miralax had a better chance of getting my coffee, I walked in thinking hey no line, A guy working on a particle physics book and 5 workers…. I thought to myself “this just might work” The person in front of me ordered a simple coffee and I thought this will be quick.  I have no idea of the mental breakdown between five workers and two customers could reach critical mass this easy. So after standing around watching these coffee baristas in action, THis is where all things started going down hill. Out of the 5 coffee droids 4 had short outs and the register droid was broken as well. The order was made and from Cashout to coffee serve was longer than 10 minutes. I have never seen so many question in my life about an order and I tried to be patient. While Starbucks is a bit higher in price i was  ready to pay the premium to avoid Dunkin Gonuts.  Wrong move there, I should of just rolled around in coffee grinds while forcing K-cups into my eyes. I ended up leaving ten minutes into this exorcize of watching how coffee is made by professionals.

 

imageszzThis was the final straw, I’ve gone to making my own iced coffee. Sure it has a learning curve, but the money savings are excellent. In 3 weeks i’ve only bought myself coffee outside the house 2 times and both were goooooood.

bruce-almighty-its-goooodYou can make your coffee any damn way you want it . Even if you want nuclear death coffee or coffee that you can mess with genetics with and rewrite the base of the universe. Overall i’ve spent 10 dollars on making my own coffee and its worked out really well.  I keep perfecting  my coffee to the taste i want. which is pretty much Stronger than all of the coffee shops aaround without tasting like burnt donkey ass (starbucks) Coffee Flavored Water (dunkin)  Or A fairly ok Coffee for day to day that i miss (Honey Dew) .  But the savings are extreme by making your own coffee…. I’ve likely been saving somewhere around 5$ a day by avoiding coffee shops.

 

Note: this post was made at 4:30, I’m half brain-dead.

With a new place to live i am testing more ways to make coffee and trying to replicate drinks from coffee places and see what I can come up with.  I have pretty much nailed down iced coffee to perfection of what i want.

 

In two and a half weeks my wallet is also noticing that i am saving money on my attempt to make my own coffee,  From my own math so far in 2.5 weeks if i had gone to a store for coffee everyday I would of spent over 70.40 in coffee , Thats fucking insane,  Since I’ve started this i’ve spent less than 15$ for coffee and still have half a bag left.

I am curious to see where this goes and see how much of a savings there is by the 21st of this month… Lets see…

Coffee post to follow up shortly!

The price of coffee and you.

About 3 years ago the price of coffee went up in all the coffee places around, which was understandable due to the market price of coffee went through the fucking roof.  now that the markets are going back up yet again chains are putting there coffee prices slightly higher, the problem is the prices never went back down when the price of coffee (commodity) went down.93b697f3caee4a86d9e698bf9d3fbac4Yes the prices have jumped for year 2014 but look at the price in 2011 , we should of seen a decrease in those prices. I know someone will say BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PRICES. Oil has stayed somewhat stable but what ever the fuck they do to increase on that is always a mystery, its like someone goes “SHIT the suns out SOMEONE INCREASE GAS PRICES QUICK!” . Milk prices are slightly up and there is a multitude of reasons for that that could get its own post, but considering the milk to coffee ratio it would have a lesser effect on the total price.

Funny-Money-45A lot of the times companies find the easy way to raise the price of things is “insert random thing happening here to a small portion of the total that really doesn’t have on effect on the thing in question”. Bob shit himself again.. RAISE PRICES! of all the times I’ve read about oil refinery fires and how they are going to spike gas prices , doing a little research you find out that said refinery is only responsible for 0.1% of total fuel production, that makes you go WTF are they making there?  It seems every other commodity market has gone into the practice of manufactured disasters or some sort of market manipulation to increase prices.

 

CWT financed ten rounds of herd retirements from 2003 to 2010, during which CWT was responsible for removing over 500,000 cows from production, reducing the nation’s milk supply by approximately 10 billion pounds…. By the end of the program in 2010, it was responsible for a cumulative increase in milk price revenue of $9.55 billion.

That resulted in a class action suit for price fixing. Since its not about supply and demand, its more over about money and more money.  So at this point I’ll stick to making my coffee at home.

 

Logitech , A love hate …

I’ve gone through a few logitech Mice over the years, and its always the same shit that gets me on these mice. every fucking damn time ….. My last mouse is the Logitech performance MX , While the mouse is a nice mouse. It suffers the same fate of every other mouse I’ve had from logitech . The microswitch fails on the left mouse button – when you click it makes you click like a mouse struggling to escape .  Want to click once? nah fuck that I’ll make you click 34973947 times and you’ll like it.  This problem has actually cost me, I’ve clicks on a purchase button and ended up ordering multiple orders of something.  You’d think in the 10+ years of this problem some engineer would go hmm somethings wrong. Instead it seems like all the logitech designers took the day off and smoked crack. This problem makes you want to destroy the mouse with no mercy.

 

PJ-AV678_PRINTE_G_20100629171122

 

It would be nice of logitech if they would redesign this one flaw out of there mice, otherwise most people that have used logitech for as long as I realize that the mouse you have is on a death watch from the second you buy it . If logitech made cars at this point they would force you to die when you press the accelerator and it floors you into a wall because it tapped the gas twice .

Unfortunately Microsoft or any of the other hardware manufacturers have yet to make a mouse that is good enough, so it feels like I am going back to a dealer that cuts his product with powder bleach or something.

 

 

Dunkin Donuts unveils coffee flavored donuts …….. WTF?

Apparently Dunkin Donuts just does not get it… they have completely lost connection with there customer base.  They have released a Coffee flavored donut… Denis Leary has an opinion to this new donut.

Denis LearyDunkin Donuts has lost there fucking minds.  They are going to make coffee flavored donuts but not coffee fucking flavored coffee. Most dunkin donuts you walk into you have a shot in the dark on getting a coffee that is remotely drinkable for long.  Generally when you order and iced coffee and use the system of dunkin donuts that they have , You can get an ok flavored coffee but when its hot outside by the time you walk 50 feet from the store you are drinking coffee water.  Its an annoying prospect, it makes you want to fire your coffee like a hand grenade that really has no gratification.

The Glazed Coffee Creme donut is made with a glazed yeast shell and filled with coffee buttercream. It’s topped with a drizzle of chocolate icing. The Coffee, Creme & Sugar Donut is also made with a glazed yeast shell and stuffed with coffee butter creme and topped with powdered sugar. The two donuts will only be available for a limited time at participating Dunkin’ Donuts locations.

At a guess these donuts maybe a better flavor than their coffee , who knows I might stick a straw into a donut and just see.  Honey Dew donuts on the other hand has gone to another extreme they have made a Maple Bacon donut.. Breakfast overload! They are not fucking around…

omg-bacon-funny-catWhile bacon is good, Putting bacon on everything on the fucking planet just doesn’t work all the time.

  82442934

No!baconlube1

WTF?bb3

MMMMM bacon tits…. but no.BaconSandwichYES! FUCKING BACON SANDWICH…

Anyways… enough bacon.. Dunkin Donuts is so proud of their new donuts they have put out a press release for it .

Dunkin’ Donuts also unveiled new Coffee Creme Donuts, the brand’s first donuts made with Dunkin’ Donuts’ famous Original Blend Coffee.

Utoh… re-read that… made with Dunkin’ Donuts’ famous Original Blend Coffee.. Joy! Boiled ass in donut form now! Rather than fuck with a time tested recipe for donuts .. why not make… COFFEE??? If Denis Leary walked into a dunkin donuts right now he’d go on a rampage , smoke 17 packs of cigarettes than go on the hunt for the elusive coffee flavored coffee.

Mind you these day the closest coffee places to me are Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks… its like a personal hell of coffee drinking, I’ve gone from getting coffee out of the house to getting coffee from the coffee maker. The last trip I made to starbucks was a 15 minute wait while 5 people could not figure out how to make coffee…. it was a strange and awe inspiring journey into a strange land, my hope for coffee places fades as they fuck about, I am  waiting for the release of Bacon flavored sour patch kid coffee from either place at this rate.