(insert text here)
Soon…
Good morning are you happy to see me or is that caffeine in your underwear … Wait what?
Caffeine infused underwear.. Let that soak in for a moment or not . Why in the hell would you want caffeine in your underwear? Worse yet its being marketed as a weight loss product!
The Federal Trade Commission said Wacoal America and Norm Thompson Outfitters, which owns Sahalie and others, were accused of deceptive advertising that claimed their caffeine-impregnated clothing would cause the wearer to lose weight and have less cellulite.
The bullshit factor is in the millions range at that point because if I counted all the Caffeine in my system at any given point i’d be about 2 pounds. 
Of all the weird places to put caffeine , I think it would be underwear or ass. Who ever thought of that must of been bored beyond sanity .
Attack of the Christmas part III
Another year another holiday , What used to be called Christmas creep to me is now attack of the Christmas. When they started Christmas stuff in October I was angry, but now it seems we cant get the fuck through summer without some sort of Christmas. Every Year we are losing the war on Christmas , soon we are going to get Christmas advertisements in April .. I was walking through a store in AUGUST… and what do I see to fill me with enough rage to make me light plastic santa clauses on fire… this…..
Are you fucking kidding me… ?
My answer to this ..
Stores wonder why there Christmas sales are so poor around Christmas. They do not think that forcing christmas down our throat early and earlier is a bad thing. Actually it is . It starts to wears people out faster when they start having christmas music vomited out of every speaker in store just to get in the “spirit” of shopping. This does not get me in the spirit at all, moreover it gets me in the spirit of getting the fuck out of that store faster. In the long run companies lose out on profits by spreading out christmas more because people are like likely to impulse buy with christmas that is months and months away. Instead they will make decisions that will save some money and not do the christmas rush. Not that I support the christmas early thing, but it spreads a lesser profit over a year and actually could result in less profits for the company. These companies should put christmas back where it belongs after thanksgiving and focus on that time rather than bitch and moan that black friday was a huge loss. Well fucking Duh …. People bought all there shit in August when you started putting your shit out.
If you give me the choice of proctology by hand grenade or Christmas music in the middle of the year. I will most definitely take the hand grenade thank you . It is less painful and it gets you out of listening to the Christmas music.
As far as advertisements are concerned K-mart has earned a special place in hell this year. They put on a commercial for christmas by saying it was not a Christmas commercial. They seriously need a lesson in fucking timing.
They use weasel wording to get around the topic that its a christmas related commercial and try to act coy about it . By saying its not christmas and having santa drive by in a handicap cart … wow fuck you K-mart. Whoever the suit at K-mart thought this was a great idea should have a polar ice cap shoved up his ass.
Phone fun part MMMMDCCCLXXIII (Han shot first!)
In the last edition of Phone fun I had picked up the Galaxy Note 3. Now this phone is about the size of a small moon but does not hold a dime of the planet sized Galaxy Mega. Now while in hardware the phone is good but the software side of the phone can be completely rage inducing.
For all the phones functions there are parts of the phone that are completely annoying. Having to reset every wifi password every month or so just annoys the hell out of me. For whatever reason when the phone has a poor wifi connection it decides its a good time to dump every wifi password on the phone.
There should be no reason on this earth to do this. What ever process samsung made in making this phone had to been a result of being high and saying “dude wouldn’t be funny when people had a bad connection to make all the passwords disappear!”
The above image is the results of what happens when my phone decides to dump passwords on a weak connection. some of the passwords for wifi are more complicated than quantum theorem.
The UI of the phone is also bothersome . like they overcomplicated the whole UI to make it simpler Yet somehow made it more complicated. While annoying I simply replaced the UI it was kind of a duct taped maneuver because it did not stop the more annoying elements. While google experience is a really simple nice UI touchwiz still attempts to rear its ugly head when you do other things.
I really do wish that phone manufacturers would allow for a stock UI …. Rather than install all the random bullshit with no options to remove.
For example.. Beep and go.. Fuck beep and go with a hand grenade, when it updates itself it decides that it shall annoy the ever living fuck out of you not matter the hour of night . I hear a notification in the middle of the night getting up thinking somethings wrong its Beep and blow… “Would you like to add cards for your shopping experience.” FUCK THAT . uninstalling bleep and fuck only updates itself again . I don’t give a flying fuck about installing my customer loyalty cards to my phone. I don’t need Creep and GO to know what I am buying. they can go fuck themselves with a fire hydrant. Sadly enough I’d pay 50$ to buy the phone without bloatware just to not have to deal with that kind of shit.
Any app that has a push notification needs to die. I do not need to be reminded that I have not played a game in 20minutes. thats grounds for instant uninstall for me.
Things I allow notifications for.. Weather alerts/ Text messages / Emails / Missed calls. anything else is useless, including facefuckspace.
the first thing an app should ask when it has notifications is ask. if you say no . give the are you sure and never ask again function. because if you annoy me to the tiniest degree its to the shit can with your app.
People should stand up against annoying apps instead they just deal with the annoyances .
Coffee fillers…. What the hell did they learn there lesson from Pink slime?
In a world of cat and elephant shit coffee you’d expect your normal coffee to go untouched. That may be at an end.
Brazilian scientists have developed a new way of testing coffee grounds for fillers like corn, sticks (yep, as in wood), barley, and soybeans. The test, which detects the presence of sugars that wouldn’t normally be in pure java, is being presented at this week’s annual American Chemical Society meeting.
soo….. lets add some sticks and corn to my coffee and put it in the microwave …. mmmm Pop-tea-coffee-corn. Not that this practice has been in use in the US yet. But if there is a test developed it means its in the pipeline.
“Adulterated coffee is something I’ve suspected in some work I’ve done in Russia and the Middle East, where there’s an extreme price point set for consumer products,” says Andrew Hetzel, a coffee industry consultant who leads training courses for the Coffee Quality Institute.
I guess we will all have to watch out for dunkin donuts and the like saying “CHECK OUT OUR NEW FLAVORS!” oh wait..
Dunkin Donuts to Launch First Hot Dark-Roast Coffee
Dunkin’ Donuts to Sell New Dark-Roast Nationwide Next Month
Dunkin’ Donuts, long known for its light coffee, is going dark, in the latest move to poach customers in the escalating java wars.
The unit of Dunkin’ Brands Group Inc. debuted its new dark-roast coffee, the first hot dark roast in its 64-year history, on Thursday at a Modesto, Calif., store, and plans to sell it nationwide starting Sept. 22.
Dunkin’ says the dark roast represents its most important coffee launch since it came…
Are coffees going to have the wonderful labels of common products that you don’t understand . Here’s a short list you might not want to read.
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Polydimethylsiloxane
This is a common fast food additive, you’ll find PDMS include Silly Putty, anti-foaming agents, breast implants, dry-cleaning solutions, silicone and head-lice treatments. Yummy!
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Castoreum (You almost don’t want to know this one…)
Beaver anal juice can be commonly found in perfumes and colognes but are also sometimes used in raspberry products to enhance their flavor. wait what?? It can also be found in chewing gum and cigarettes. So the next time you have some gum or a cigarette folks … remember you are sucking beaver ass! Mmmmmmm….It is hard to imagine beaver anal juice enhancing the flavor of raspberries.
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Silicon dioxide
Ever go to the beach and get sand in the crack of your ass that just wont go away ? Well, Silicon dioxide is added to coffee creamers.. While not gross, it ends up as fucking weird. its also in soups and salads. Maybe I just might bring a spoon to a beach and enjoy the seashore.
Ready to spit out beer? than read on ..
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methylparaben
Find methylparaben in many wines, soft drinks, and fruit juice from concentrate… Enjoy it knowing that the additive originates in the vaginas of dogs when they are in heat. From the beavers ass to a dogs vagina.. mmmmmm…
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Shellac
Secretions from the female Lac beetle used to finish wood products. Used as a candy coating…
So that’s what kind of fun is in foods that are preprocessed. But all in all even if you did not know what you were ingesting.. No need to loose our fucking minds until they start adding raw dog shit as an ingredient.
In the end this list proves that there is no reason to add anything to coffee. Even though Arabica beans production is down this year by 10% there is no given reason to add sticks or any other random shit to coffee unless your rich, than you can add all the cat and elephant ass to your coffee you want.
I’ve quit smoking(cigarettes)* (part 2)
I’ve been smoking on and off my entire life and its a crutch that is hard to get away from . When I first discovered E-cigarettes I found them to be a strange yet different but the same as smoking . The first E-cigarette I has was shaped like a conventional cigarette. While its compact they do have a bit of a drawback , You have to buy cartridges that are getting up there in price. When I bought those they used to be about 4 to 6 dollars per pack of 5 cartridges, Not so much anymore. Since Reynolds purchased the Blu the prices of carts have gone higher than $14 a pack which is fucking crazy , A few years back I got my hands on a different type E-cigarette. Since the innovations of e-cigarettes have improved there is one silly yet fun side effect to the better e-cigarettes. They tend to make you look like jedi’s with light sabers.
These aren’t the cigarettes you’re looking for…
“This was the formal weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster. More skill than simple sight was required for its use. An elegant weapon. It was a symbol as well. Anyone can use a blaster or a fusioncutter—but to use a lightsaber well was a mark of someone a cut above the ordinary.”
―Obi-Wan Kenobi
On the off chance lightsabers become a real thing , you could make some horrid mistake if you grabbed the wrong one. The larger e-cigarettes though have many advantages, namely you do not have to deal with the cartridges. if you’re out and about with the smaller e-cig and your cart goes dry and you do have another on hand , its going to cost 15$ , while with the larger type you can carry a small vial or fluid to refill your E-cig at will. Also you have a much larger battery to your advantage, if you small e-cig goes dead you are stuck, with the newer ones you can just replace the battery with another one, while they are not standard batteries they do pack a punch and will last you most of the day if not more.
Another interesting area with e-cigarettes is where you can “smoke” them… You can go to a lot of places and just bust the thing out and vape away. The rules around them are variable based on where you are. I’ve been in the middle of a bowling alley and vaping away when the manager saw me and came over asking if i was smoking a cigarette . When he saw me smoking an E-cigarette he said those are OK to have inside. Other times with the E-cig it comes down to personal preferences as far if you vape or not.
Though…. There is a stigma to E-cigarettes that both sides need to pay attention too. From the Non-smoker end you have the jackasses , the ones that immediately start hacking a lung 40 feet away from you because they think they see “smoke” . I’ve had some jack assed people start fake coughing because I was “smoking” and it “Stunk” which Instantly made me reply to them. Yes I will be courteous to people who ask nicely but when you put on a show just to control the person around you without knowledge of what something is , Don’t go full fucktard and start running a drama display. I’ve had to ask someone when they complained that my “cigarette” stinks “So the smell of watermelon is offensive , is cowshit appealing to you?” Most times with e-cigarettes the sky is the limit to flavors , When you start you will stick to flavors that taste like a marlboro to you , but further down the line you will be into what ever flavors you fancy at the time and most are appealing to even a nonsmoker and do not leave horrendous smells after. A lot of businesses are putting e-cigarette vapers with smokers, and that point while they both deliver nicotine, the smokers group is alot more stinky .
From the E-cig vapers end they are also causing some issues. if your in a non-smoking establishment and you just vaping clouds and clouds of vapor , you tend to get smokers a bit upset , but not on the surface they are wanting to smoking. When you watch people the smoke and your vaping , You can see them wanting to light up and not to which they tend to get a little itchy over. For me , I tend to ask if i can vape in an establishment before I just bust out the E-cig, It makes it better for all. Other places you just want to avoid altogether vaping. Most airlines have banned the practice for a few reasons. e-liquid can contain materials that can cause allergic reactions (depending on the flavors you can run across many allergy groups). I myself have found myself in a situation accidentally.
Going back to smokers and non-smokers there is another unfortunate area to cover. Bad knowledge. Every now and than you will hear someone shout up and down that E-cigarettes are worse than regular cigarettes . these are the people that make me want to puke fire at them. They hear some random thing on some news source and run with it . One of my favorites is “You should not be smoking that you are smoking anti-freeze.” This came out a few years back and ended up widely debunked but to a small degree true. The problem is while part of the fact is true most it is not. Spouting out this “fact” makes you look more like an ass than trying to be knowledgeable. While Propylene Glycol (PG) Can be considered an Antifreeze, so can a bottle of rum because both have a lower freezing point than water. Also Propylene Glycol is in a lot of everyday products that the average joe does not recognize and will spout that fact any time they can just to villainize the person vaping. In any case you can just ask the person if they have had any Cosmetics, Soaps, Toothpastes, Cleansers, Body washes, Deodorants, Hair care products, Packaged Foods, Lotions, Creams, Moisturizers, Prescription topical medicines, Moist wipes,Shampoo,Shaving gels, sodas, Coffee, Cake, dessert, and brownie mix, Prepackaged cupcakes, donuts, and pastries, Salad dressings (especially ranch), Sauces (steak, barbecue, horseradish, etc), Sour creams, whipped-toppings . At that point you should have a pretty disgruntled person and have put them in there place.
Aside from all this.. I’ve not had a regular cigarette in many many months and I am working my way to stop vaping. Even when I have seen doctors they generally have less of a time harassing me over smoking when they realize that I have been using an e-cigarette vs a real cigarette.
And weird news out there. sorority cow house has taco night… Explosion Injuries one.
Flatulence from 90 cows in a German barn sparked a methane gas explosion that damaged the building and left one cow slightly injured with burns, police said Tuesday.
“In the barn for 90 dairy cows, methane built up for unknown reasons and was probably ignited by a static discharge, exploding in a darting flame,” said local police in the central town of Rasdorf in Hesse state.
“Parts of the roof cover were slightly damaged and a cow suffered minor burns,” said police, adding that a fire crew rushed to the scene of Monday’s accident and a gas field crew later measured methane levels.
Aside from the taco joke, That has to be sight to be seen. cow farts gone critical.
Bessy the night before had Indian food, When questioned she was not aware of her emissions till she had lit up a smoke for the night . 
Must be a slow news day….
Elephant shit coffee….. How about no?
When I learned of cat shit coffee I had a good laugh. 50$ for cat shitted coffee … awesome! Kopi Luwak may be a good tasting coffee but it will not outlive the connotations of where it came from.
A Kopi Luwak maker in action.
Now they are trying to get elephants in on the deal and are selling this coffee at a premium. We can thank forbes for this intuitive article ….
In Thailand, a company called Black Ivory Coffee has 20 elephants eat coffee beans and crap out the seeds. They are then harvested (lovingly, I’m sure) from small mountains of elephant droppings and then processed into coffee that runs $275 for 30 espresso cups, or about half a gallon of coffee on the top end. The company selling it tries to talk consumers into buying a special $299 coffee brewer because, after all, when you’re spending hundreds of dollars on special coffee, you want a special way to brew it.
At some point or another this is going to pique the interest of the lower end coffee companies and they are going off on there own tangent in labs to make strange coffees to scare the average consumer into drinking something else.
At any given point you will see dunkin donuts and starbucks hanging around zoos trying there hand in the top in coffee markets and not really give a shit but they will sure take one to get into this market.
The new Dunkin Donuts fast brew station with miralax speed
Does this coffee taste good? It likely does.. have you ever wanted to tell a stock broker or a CEO to eat shit? You likely don’t have to , They already have and liked it. It must be strange to be sitting around and saying well if cats can make coffee why not elephants. Next thing it will be is Cow Shit Coffee , Ferret fart coffee, Zippy Zebra coffee, As there will be buyers lined up around the block with wallets stuffed if it gets enough fanfare.
More coffee….. We all need it some days.
Since I’ve moved into my new place, I have a conundrum for the ages. As a drinker or better said a former drinker of outside coffee because I was too impatient to wait for the coffee pot , have the coffee cool down than make it into an iced coffee. I’ve bought coffees from almost every major company that served iced coffee. But as the years press on and the coffee gets watered and cheapened its getting very hard to make a choice , Now i can’t blame the companies , Its more over the franchisees . There are problems all around, They have crazy employee turnover and skip on machines in order to earn more money.
Formally, You’d have well trained employees that could manipulate the machines , now they just do whatever the hell they please when making coffee. For the milk and cream containers they have straws that need to be cut to a certain length , You just do not see that anymore, also the portioning has gone fucking nuts. Dunkin Donuts for explain if you ask for extra sugar , You summon the Brimley god and have to sign a contract.
I’ve said in other post that i’ve sort of cracked the enigma code of ordering from dunkin donuts, if you look at the receipts they do not list regular sugar/ Medium sugar /Extra sugar/Extra super Diabeetus sugar. If you watch the cash register when you order a coffee you will see the coffee droid press the Sugar button with a fix amount of sugar 1 2 3 4 5 6 sugars normally, I’ve seen these go higher. For the poor souls that do not know this system and ask for extra extra sugar they normally get this in there coffee!
There maybe a dunkin donuts under that pile! After they get a bulldozer to check where it is .
Honey Dew on the other hand 95% of the time they are fairly good repulsing the Brimley god away, Even asking for extra sugar the does not quake with the Eventual resurrection of the Brimley god. On a rare occasion at honey dew though you will get a new worker that makes the mistake of it but they are whipped tortured and appeased to the brimley god so he does not rise. My only problem with honey dew these days is travel time. I walk or ride my bike so its a little bit of a huff to get to my preferred coffee. Though my bike was just stolen not too long ago. So my options are not really that great right now due to limited travel and health issues and being disabled does not help me get a bike .
Starbucks ….. Is …. Special , there is no way about this, they are just damn special. The last time I attempted getting coffee from there was a failure on all levels. Ten monkeys on miralax had a better chance of getting my coffee, I walked in thinking hey no line, A guy working on a particle physics book and 5 workers…. I thought to myself “this just might work” The person in front of me ordered a simple coffee and I thought this will be quick. I have no idea of the mental breakdown between five workers and two customers could reach critical mass this easy. So after standing around watching these coffee baristas in action, THis is where all things started going down hill. Out of the 5 coffee droids 4 had short outs and the register droid was broken as well. The order was made and from Cashout to coffee serve was longer than 10 minutes. I have never seen so many question in my life about an order and I tried to be patient. While Starbucks is a bit higher in price i was ready to pay the premium to avoid Dunkin Gonuts. Wrong move there, I should of just rolled around in coffee grinds while forcing K-cups into my eyes. I ended up leaving ten minutes into this exorcize of watching how coffee is made by professionals.
This was the final straw, I’ve gone to making my own iced coffee. Sure it has a learning curve, but the money savings are excellent. In 3 weeks i’ve only bought myself coffee outside the house 2 times and both were goooooood.
You can make your coffee any damn way you want it . Even if you want nuclear death coffee or coffee that you can mess with genetics with and rewrite the base of the universe. Overall i’ve spent 10 dollars on making my own coffee and its worked out really well. I keep perfecting my coffee to the taste i want. which is pretty much Stronger than all of the coffee shops aaround without tasting like burnt donkey ass (starbucks) Coffee Flavored Water (dunkin) Or A fairly ok Coffee for day to day that i miss (Honey Dew) . But the savings are extreme by making your own coffee…. I’ve likely been saving somewhere around 5$ a day by avoiding coffee shops.
Note: this post was made at 4:30, I’m half brain-dead.
With a new place to live i am testing more ways to make coffee and trying to replicate drinks from coffee places and see what I can come up with. I have pretty much nailed down iced coffee to perfection of what i want.
In two and a half weeks my wallet is also noticing that i am saving money on my attempt to make my own coffee, From my own math so far in 2.5 weeks if i had gone to a store for coffee everyday I would of spent over 70.40 in coffee , Thats fucking insane, Since I’ve started this i’ve spent less than 15$ for coffee and still have half a bag left.
I am curious to see where this goes and see how much of a savings there is by the 21st of this month… Lets see…
Coffee post to follow up shortly!
Weed can kill you man…… Groovy! Nah what the fuck?
I was bored and ran into an article that just had clickbait written all over it .. Marijuana Use Linked to Two Deaths . Hmm ok, thats a new one to me , I will give it a click since maybe they had killer munchies. reading on.
Although marijuana may have a reputation as a relatively harmless drug, a new case report links it to the deaths of two young men in Germany.
From the department of I just want to make a name for myself from the subdivision of facts pulled out of my ass. Now that the article has my attention with that starter I read onwards with expectation of massive death and destruction warnings on how weed will kill everyone on the planet
Toxicological examinations concluded that the men were under the influence of cannabis before they died, and traces of THC — the main active ingredient in marijuana — were found in the men’s blood and brain tissue, the researchers wrote in the report.
Well that tends to happen when you smoke weed, it just doesn’t blow out your ass when you inhale although that would be an interesting side effect. But, Yet this article still has not shown causality that would make me go “HOLY SHIT WEED IS GOING TO KILL ME!”. Alright article you win this round , I’ll keep reading.
In both cases, the deaths were related to cardiovascular complications. In one of the deaths, a 23-year-old man without a history of health problems suddenly collapsed while using public transportation, and died after 40 minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation efforts, according to the case report based on postmortem investigations. The man had a small amount of marijuana in his pockets when he was found, according to the researchers at the Institute of Legal Medicine, University Hospital Duesseldorf in Germany, who reported the case.
Well now he had weed in his pocket… Highly observant but still no connection to the death . Also attention given to no doctors instead “researchers” . Usually when doctors figure out some live altering complication they slap there name all over that shit with “HEY LOOK AT THIS SHIT HERE! I found something that will kill everyone and I’m the guy that found it”. The second case gets even more sketchy for the case of weed VS death.
In the second case described in the report, a 28-year-old man was found dead at home by his girlfriend. An ashtray, rolling paper and a sealable plastic bag containing remnants of marijuana were found next to the body. The man had occasionally used cannabis, the researchers wrote. He had also abused alcohol and drugs, such as amphetamines and cocaine until about two years before his death, they wrote.
Are you fucking kidding me? The fact that the man had smoked weed was more prevalent than the fact that the man had smoked/snorted/inhaled/swallowed/rectally Whatevered fucking all the things that can blow your heart out.. Article I’m loosing you. The fact that the guy did drugs was what likely caused damage to him before he even thought about the cheeze-its in the fridge after taking his first drag off of the weed. Well for fucks sakes lets keep reading and see where journalistic integrity gets you. …
“After exclusion of other causes of death, we assume that the young men died from cardiovascular complications evoked by smoking cannabis,” the researchers wrote.
“We assume the deaths of these two young men occurred due to arrhythmias evoked by smoking cannabis,” but this assumption does not rule out that the men were predisposed to cardiovascular risks, they wrote.
Wait? what?? For fucks sake you just wrote this whole article to completely contradict itself in one sentence… NO SHIT, There was a predisposition using cocaine and amphetamines leaves you just at a slight risk of a predisposition. Again, Without naming names, who wrote this shit anyways ghost written by Mr Mackey…
Nikolas P. Lemos, the chief forensic toxicologist for the San Francisco Medical Examiner’s Office, said there have been confirmed cases in which marijuana has had harmful effects on the heart.
“The potential cardiotoxicity of cannabis has been reported in peer-reviewed abstracts as well as scientific proceedings before, including by my team,” Lemos said.
Well fucking lah dee dah ! A name Holy shit Dr Lemos ! But this line of text is irrelevant! No hard numbers and its just weasel wording. Saying something happened without the statistics to back it up makes it look so much more foreboding. Using this wording I could say that there is a chance of death by having coffee squirt out of your ass and eyeballs because its happened. Moreover I am willing to bet if they used the statistics to back this up it would make it look terrible and give it a statistical chance worse than getting killed by a lightning strike (1 in 700,000), a shark bite (1 in 265,000,000 ) , or a coconut(1:250,000,000) vs the odds of winning powerball (1:275,000,000). How shitty is that.. you are more likely to die from a coconut than win fucking powerball! The odds of dieing from marijuana have to be astronomical.. Meaning you have a better chance of winning powerball! Fuck it game over, I give up on this trash if I read anymore I’ll die of stupidity contracted from Dr. Lemos which is statistically still higher than dieing from marijuana…….
Lemos said he hopes the report will raise awareness of the potential health complications of marijuana use. “I am delighted to see this additional work in hope that medical examiners, coroners and physicians will realize that they need to collect specimens, test for cannabis in post-mortem fluids and consider the contributions of cannabis in the death investigations.
“We simply cannot, any longer, adhere to the old mentality that ‘marijuana does not kill,” Lemos told Live Science. “We are now seeing evidence from my office and elsewhere that it just might.”
Wait What.. why did I keep reading this… My brain hurts. “From my office…. and Elsewhere” WHERE!? at Dr lemos ‘s house while he was taking a shit going “how can i put myself on the map !” . These people are something else… Statistically typing these letters have a higher fatality rate over a lifetime than this shit. Wow.
My final thought to this insanity. Did fox news write this “peer reviewed” paper with Dr Oz as a sponsor?