After the events of december, I still find myself looking into a black void trying to remember something, anything that would be part of my life before the events of my suicide and I have been given information by others and nothing that I can find in myself as for my confidence is at a low I can’t explain, when someone tells me something that I can not draw upon it drives me mad with trying to remember. I know with some people It seems like remembering an emotion,, but the details elude me. I feel bad saying that I have to meet a person for the first time again. When I was released from the hospital I did not realize that there was a gap in my memories , Even before I got home i did not even recognize the apartment, the furniture the floors the layout, I found myself dependent on others for location and places of the recent, the more I delved into what i could remember the more i realized that there was a huge hole in my memories in the last 6 years, I feel bad i can not recognize something and it hurts worse that I know that this profound loss of memory hurts others…..