It’s June ..

I’ve been updating a little more , its been missed but the atomic bullshit of the world pretty much made the last 3 years a blank spot.  In a way I am glad I did not post and in another way I know i should of. Sometimes the clarity of the world is a bit brighter in pixels when you can weed out the bullshit. Cut-the-Nuclear-grade-Bullshit-will-ya-buddy-Life-is-hard-enough-without-the-smell-of-what-you39re-dishing-out-meme-14752

Bullshit is everywhere , Everyone trying to forward there own agendas just to do something what they want to do without care for others , and when its brought up its brought up in a way that they bring the person staying out into the bullshit. With all of the bullshit thought I remain happy in way , Happier than I’ve been in ages. I wake up knowing the bullshit is outside when I wake up and in parts of my body but none the less the mornings start bullshit freeish*.

funny-bullshit-calling-meme

The annoyance of where the bullshit starts is me, my bullshit body more specifically … I was given a bad hand in the genetics department and if I wrote everything down here that was known about my genetics you’d all go that’s bullshit. I live in pain day to day , and its really bullshit, to the point that I do not feel like bullshiting with people because my pain is to the degree of bullshit.  The degree of things I do to keep myself going is pretty maddening to say the least, though I always say things could be worse.  I spent the last year trying to get down on my medications in order not to feel like another bullshit situation that has darkened the last few years.

I’ve got to the point where therapy actually has done more harm than good and its really one of those moments that makes you reflect on what kind of bullshit I have to deal with.  It is sad when  the thing that is supposed to help me heal is actually diametrically opposed to what it actually did, The bullshit meter is off the charts on that one.  acowIts getting to tough times , I am not sure where the future will lead and I know it will be tough but, I know this. I will wake up in the morning and  I will say bullshit to the pain I know that will eventually curtail my days actions.  I do what I can and I will continue to do what i can.  I wake up in pain I goto sleep in pain. There was an episode of House that actually made an expression of how I feel .  Here’s a quote.6b8944438f56d004d8a72ef1cc9ad07c

 

For all the times I wake up in the morning thinking today will be good I am proven wrong with my body going bullshit and having the feeling of having a hot piece of glass shoved through my arm while having it frozen than hot water splashed liberally over it.  It pisses me off , It punishes those around me since I cant do anything. I feel like I have no worth. Worse is when I try to hide my condition because I don’t compassion , I want to be normal and sometimes people just take advantage of It.  I hide my pain for other peoples comfort and sometimes its a bit much and I withdraw.  Sometimes keeping the “nice” face on is more of a pain than the pain it self.  When I show myself its because I am comfortable and I know that who i show myself to cares.  but otherwise If your going to walk over me or say something contrary to the position when you have no knowledge of , please keep your bullshit to yourself you’re contributing to global warming from the bullshit that’s spraying from your lips and all the hot air.

 

To which end.. the people who I let into my world and I let them see under my shell. I am glad they are there. They understand me and have kept me sane enough to wake up every morning and face the bullshit with a smile* (or whatever face i can muster that’s marginally better than agonized.) . Maybe they will never see this post but know this I love them very much for putting up with my bullshit.

 

Anyhow… Till next post.

 

PS: the word of the day is bullshit! (22)


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Concerning Hobbits …… musings of life.

I’ve not typed anything about me here for ages.   I am generally a kept to self person….. The last post about me was about vaping, and how I have quit smoking..

 

smoking-with-style-funny-600x329 Its been great…  I have cut myself down to 1mg of nicotine in the last year .  The thing is when I goto a doctor and ask if i smoke and show them the E-cig and explain that I have 1mg nicotine they actually don’t even count me as smoking/vaping.  So there is the good shit on that.

 

Healthwise and half of why I have not been here is my health ..  Pain and Numbness have progressed faster than I would like it to, Its a scary factor to say that I cant use half of my arm for some basic functions.  With my hands they feel like if you have put them in a snowbank and than poured extremely hot water on them, body-wise i am doing whatever the fuck I can. When I was told by the neurologist that I pretty much damned if I do and Damned if i dont its a pretty fucked up situation there.

With my life there have been many ups and downs and I’ve seen the bottom and I’ve peered at the top , after what happened to me in 2013 I am lucky every day to wake up and find my feet on the ground.  But my health has just not kept up with me and I wont let it keep me down.  I’ve been bordering the pissed off zone for awhile and I’ve needed an outlet that I can go off on.  I fight the challenge of each day and try to live my life.

Just a short update while I fix up things here.


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