Coffee fillers…. What the hell did they learn there lesson from Pink slime?

In a world of cat and elephant shit coffee you’d expect your normal coffee to go untouched. That may be at an end.

Brazilian scientists have developed a new way of testing coffee grounds for fillers like corn, sticks (yep, as in wood), barley, and soybeans. The test, which detects the presence of sugars that wouldn’t normally be in pure java, is being presented at this week’s annual American Chemical Society meeting.

soo….. lets add some sticks and corn to my coffee and put it in the microwave …. mmmm Pop-tea-coffee-corn.  Not that this practice has been in use in the US yet. But if there is a test developed it means its in the pipeline.

“Adulterated coffee is something I’ve suspected in some work I’ve done in Russia and the Middle East, where there’s an extreme price point set for consumer products,” says Andrew Hetzel, a coffee industry consultant who leads training courses for the Coffee Quality Institute.

I guess we will all have to watch out for dunkin donuts and the like saying “CHECK OUT OUR NEW FLAVORS!” oh wait..

Dunkin Donuts to Launch First Hot Dark-Roast Coffee

Dunkin’ Donuts to Sell New Dark-Roast Nationwide Next Month

Dunkin’ Donuts, long known for its light coffee, is going dark, in the latest move to poach customers in the escalating java wars.

The unit of Dunkin’ Brands Group Inc. debuted its new dark-roast coffee, the first hot dark roast in its 64-year history, on Thursday at a Modesto, Calif., store, and plans to sell it nationwide starting Sept. 22.

Dunkin’ says the dark roast represents its most important coffee launch since it came…

Are coffees going to have the wonderful labels of common products that you don’t understand . Here’s a short list you might not want to read.

  • Polydimethylsiloxane

This is a common fast food additive, you’ll find PDMS include Silly Putty, anti-foaming agents, breast implants, dry-cleaning solutions, silicone and head-lice treatments. Yummy! 

  • Castoreum (You almost don’t want to know this one…)

Beaver anal juice can be commonly found in perfumes and colognes but are also sometimes used in raspberry products to enhance their flavor. wait what??  It can also be found in chewing gum and cigarettes. So the next time you have some gum or a cigarette folks … remember you are sucking beaver ass! Mmmmmmm….It is hard to imagine beaver anal juice enhancing the flavor of raspberries.

  • Silicon dioxide

Ever go to the beach and get sand in the crack of your ass that just wont go away ? Well, Silicon dioxide is added to coffee creamers.. While not gross, it ends up as fucking weird. its also in soups and salads. Maybe I just might bring a spoon to a beach and enjoy the seashore.

Ready to spit out beer? than read on ..

  • methylparaben

Find methylparaben in many wines, soft drinks, and fruit juice from concentrate… Enjoy it knowing that the additive originates in the vaginas of dogs when they are in heat. From the beavers ass to a dogs vagina.. mmmmmm…

  • Shellac

Secretions from the female Lac beetle used to finish wood products. Used as a candy coating…

So that’s what kind of fun is in foods that are preprocessed.  But all in all even if you did not know what you were ingesting..  No need to loose our fucking minds until they start adding raw dog shit as an ingredient.


In the end this list proves that there is no reason to add anything to coffee. Even though Arabica beans production is down this year by 10% there is no given reason to add sticks or any other random shit to coffee unless your rich, than you can add all the cat and elephant ass to your coffee you want.

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More coffee….. We all need it some days.

Since I’ve moved into my new place, I have a conundrum for the ages.  As a drinker or better said a former drinker of outside coffee because I was too impatient to wait for the coffee pot , have the coffee cool down than make it into an iced coffee. I’ve bought coffees from almost every major company that served iced coffee.  But as the years press on and the coffee gets watered and cheapened its getting very hard to make a choice , Now i can’t blame the companies , Its more over the franchisees . There are problems all around, They have crazy employee turnover and skip on machines in order to earn more money.


Formally, You’d have well trained employees that could manipulate the machines , now they just do whatever the hell they please when making coffee. For the milk and cream containers they have straws that need to be cut to a certain length , You just do not see that anymore, also the portioning has gone fucking nuts. Dunkin Donuts for explain if you ask for extra sugar , You summon the Brimley god and have to sign a contract.

WilfordBrimleyI’ve said in other post that i’ve sort of cracked the enigma code of ordering from dunkin donuts, if you look at the receipts they do not list regular sugar/ Medium sugar /Extra sugar/Extra super Diabeetus sugar.  If you watch the cash register when you order a coffee you will see the coffee droid press the Sugar button with a fix amount of sugar 1 2 3 4 5 6 sugars normally, I’ve seen these go higher. For the poor souls that do not know this system and ask for extra extra sugar they normally get this in there coffee!

SugarThere maybe a dunkin donuts under that pile! After they get a bulldozer to check where it is .

Honey Dew on the other hand 95% of the time they are fairly good repulsing the Brimley god away, Even asking for extra sugar the does not quake with the Eventual resurrection of the Brimley god.  On a rare occasion at honey dew though you will get a new worker that makes the mistake of it but they are whipped tortured and appeased to the brimley god so he does not rise. My only problem with honey dew these days is travel time. I walk or ride my bike so its a little bit of a huff to get to my preferred coffee. Though my bike was just stolen not too long ago. So my options are not really that great right now due to limited travel and health issues and being disabled does not help me get a bike .

imageccsStarbucks ….. Is …. Special , there is no way about this, they are just damn special.  The last time I attempted getting coffee from there was a failure on all levels. Ten monkeys on miralax had a better chance of getting my coffee, I walked in thinking hey no line, A guy working on a particle physics book and 5 workers…. I thought to myself “this just might work” The person in front of me ordered a simple coffee and I thought this will be quick.  I have no idea of the mental breakdown between five workers and two customers could reach critical mass this easy. So after standing around watching these coffee baristas in action, THis is where all things started going down hill. Out of the 5 coffee droids 4 had short outs and the register droid was broken as well. The order was made and from Cashout to coffee serve was longer than 10 minutes. I have never seen so many question in my life about an order and I tried to be patient. While Starbucks is a bit higher in price i was  ready to pay the premium to avoid Dunkin Gonuts.  Wrong move there, I should of just rolled around in coffee grinds while forcing K-cups into my eyes. I ended up leaving ten minutes into this exorcize of watching how coffee is made by professionals.


imageszzThis was the final straw, I’ve gone to making my own iced coffee. Sure it has a learning curve, but the money savings are excellent. In 3 weeks i’ve only bought myself coffee outside the house 2 times and both were goooooood.

bruce-almighty-its-goooodYou can make your coffee any damn way you want it . Even if you want nuclear death coffee or coffee that you can mess with genetics with and rewrite the base of the universe. Overall i’ve spent 10 dollars on making my own coffee and its worked out really well.  I keep perfecting  my coffee to the taste i want. which is pretty much Stronger than all of the coffee shops aaround without tasting like burnt donkey ass (starbucks) Coffee Flavored Water (dunkin)  Or A fairly ok Coffee for day to day that i miss (Honey Dew) .  But the savings are extreme by making your own coffee…. I’ve likely been saving somewhere around 5$ a day by avoiding coffee shops.


Note: this post was made at 4:30, I’m half brain-dead.

With a new place to live i am testing more ways to make coffee and trying to replicate drinks from coffee places and see what I can come up with.  I have pretty much nailed down iced coffee to perfection of what i want.


In two and a half weeks my wallet is also noticing that i am saving money on my attempt to make my own coffee,  From my own math so far in 2.5 weeks if i had gone to a store for coffee everyday I would of spent over 70.40 in coffee , Thats fucking insane,  Since I’ve started this i’ve spent less than 15$ for coffee and still have half a bag left.

I am curious to see where this goes and see how much of a savings there is by the 21st of this month… Lets see…

Coffee post to follow up shortly!

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Swedish Cooking has been brought to you by this local Station and salmon fisheries around the world

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Dunkin Gonuts advertising gone wild.

Apparently dunkin donuts is trying smell based ads , I guess we can be thankful that its not taco bell .. Though i could imagine that ad as cheech marin and Tommy Chong shitting their brains out and going “duuuude yo quiero taco bell”.  I’m just not sure on this one but, since it’s based in another country perhaps they have a better smell than most dunkin donuts i’ve gone to around here. I’ve come to a bit of a truce with dunkin donuts and they have seemed to have learned there lesson from serving boiled cat vomit.  Since a few year back when bluesteel and I were getting consistent bad coffee(read: bad milk, watercoffee etc) we swore off dunkin for quite the few years.

Its just weird to try to use advertising by smell, and the jingle don’t they do enough already? They would likely tattoo the back of eyeballs and forehead if they thought it would sell more coffee with the logic of getting more impressions.  Seriously instead of coming up with random shit like this , improve the coffee and the people will come, otherwise you will just piss people off on there way to work with this and they will just wait till they can get to the coffee at work.

Rather than put your ads everywhere and go into visual overload or just plain lying,  improve the product. In burger king the other they removed the wall painting to add vinyl pictures of people having a meal on the wall and the first thing I thought about them is “what the fuck fast food joint has this kind of service” since the pictures on the wall were a large salad in a metal mesh bowl, people with smiles drinking out of glasses, and burgers that had no bearing on burgerking it self, it was more to remind you, If you spent this money at a real restaurant this is what you could of had for $8.

Maybe in europe they have that kind of service, but not here. As i’ve said – Improve your service and product, and not try to play the follow the leader or someone on acid thought of a really cool idea for advertising stoned off there ass. Divert 10% of your ad budget to the people and the products and you will create a better impression than trying to give the image of a good impression on TV that you know was thought up while people laughed and say  we don’t do this shit.

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Time: Top 10 most dangerous foods. ORLY?

Every now and than I find an article that just makes me go WTF. It starts off .

Top 10 Most Dangerous Foods

The American Academy of Pediatrics released a policy statement on Feb. 22, recommending the labeling and possible redesign of hot dogs to prevent choking deaths among children. Here’s a look at 10 risky foods

So it basically starts off as “Since hot dogs killed some amount of people, Here are foods that we think are dangerous and cause controversy. but the list gets rather silly. Here’s tonight’s top ten list…. (seriously with the foods they include David letterman should announce this one. Bold Stuff is Comments by me.)

Eat at Your Own Risk

1. Hot Dogs:  Common sense issue. CHEW YOUR FOOD!
2. Fugu: blowfish? are you kidding me. how many times in your life do you eat this one?
3. Ackee: Random Food that You’ve likely never eaten
4. Peanut Panic: This shit answers itself. Notice its Peanut Panic and not nut allergies.
5. Leafy Greens: does not belong on list- wash your damn food first , I know this doesn’t work for restaurants. Unless of course its killer tomatoes.. than run
6. Not Exactly Sweet as Pie: Rhubarb… And this one gets the stupid award. Eating  the leaves can lead to poison but the article misstates a certain issue. You’d Have to ingest 11pounds of it in order to die.
7. Tuna Tremors : You can stop sucking on broken thermometers and start eating tuna!
8. Cassava: This one I’m leaving alone.

9. Coffee: Coffee…… Really? Just wait for it.. Lets pour on the stupid, From the article “. In 1992, McDonald’s had some trouble when 79-year-old grandmother Stella Liebeck of New Mexico sued the fast-food company because a scalding cup of 170° coffee caused third-degree burns over 6% of her body, including her thighs, buttocks and groin. Liebeck was awarded $2.86 million (the amount was later reduced in a settlement).
10. Mushrooms: No no lets go back to 9 , everything else on this list is either, use common sense, or stupidity.

The Fact they even put coffee on the list and the reasoning is beyond me.  But, what they point out coffee for being dangerous is ridiculous.   Say! Lets open this scalding hot coffee between my legs! Yes. that’s the idea you want to bring to your readers.  I know… this was before the time of the whole cup warning thing.

Every coffee cup sold these days has that warning, Call it common sense but, apparently some people don’t have it.  Who knew that hot coffee was hot? Shit whats next Water is wet? I know I’m being a bit angry with this one and yes someone did get severely injured.  But to put a warning out on coffee being one of the most “Dangerous” foods.  Also “Leafy Greens” What is the times trying to do make everyone so neurotic over food that they end up in a Psych ward? They go out of the way to explain how ZOMG bad these things are but do no explain what good these things do.

In this article there is an AMAZING amount of disregard for any sort of good practice in writing. Half-asses sources half truths and willingly causing fright. Also most of the issues are from the retail side of things as in bad preparation, questionable practices and such. Not many people are going to be going “Honey LETS CUT SOME BLOWFISH TONIGHT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

As Far as the times. They wonder why print is going out of style like the dinosaurs.

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McSpresso…… Either Mcdonalds is getting into espressos or you just sneezed while vomiting.

So Mcdonalds is getting into the espresso market Starbucks style?  Why.. Bad food and bad coffee, the commercials are worse showing “starbucks” people talking about Mcdonalds coffee and than running there.. No so much.  Yes I hate starbucks and mcdonalds but hell this is pathetic. Just the name Mcdonalds incites poor thoughts, Mcjob, McPay, McWork, McBadCoffee, McFoodPoisoning. Starbucks is ripe for being made fun of , Stuckup fruitcakes there…

Whats with all these companies getting into other far out concepts for there business types, dunkin donuts serving pizza. Whats next KFC doing shoe shines and pressing your pants while you wait with a hummer on the side?

This has to stop, If you cant get what you originally serve in the first place right , dont try to serve some other aweful product until you have your product right.

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No … Just no………….

Dunkin Donuts is going to start selling pizza…. thats just a scary thought. they cant even get a coffee right , who knows what the fuck they would do to a pizza.

Subway, Dunkin’ give pizza a chance

By Bruce Horovitz, USA TODAY
Subway is to sandwiches what Dunkin’ is to doughnuts. So why are both chains exploring — pizza?

because fast foodies find it tough to resist sticking a gooey finger in
the $28.5 billion pizza industry at a time when the pie biggies — Pizza
Hut (YUM), Domino’s (DPZ) and Papa John’s (PZZA) — have seen growth stall.

More than a decade ago, even McDonald’s (MCD)
tested pizza before tossing in the apron. But with consumer interest in
pizza high and pizza-dominated chains’ sales lagging, the temptation to
roll out the dough is once again peaking.

Of all meals eaten at restaurants, 9% now include pizza, reports NPD Group.

“The demographic of pizza eaters is about the same as oxygen breathers,” says Steve Green, publisher of PMQ’s Pizza Magazine, a trade publication.

pizza growth has been in artisan, take-n’-bake and rising-crust pizzas,
Green says. Now, Subway and Dunkin’ think faster, smaller pizzas may
find a niche.

Subway is dishing out
personal-size pizzas at about half its stores nationally, and Dunkin’
Donuts is testing personal pizzas at 15 prototype stores in six states.

“Everyone in the industry is keeping an eye on the new entries,” says Mandy Detwiler, managing editor at Pizza Today.

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I’ve heard of Diets high in iron but this is a little excessive.

Yet another reason i dont goto dunkin donuts anymore.

Coffee and a metal chip muffin, please!
By Dave Wedge
Boston Herald Chief Enterprise Reporter

Saturday, May 19, 2007 – Updated: 12:56 AM EST

A morning breakfast treat turned into a painful trip to the dentist for an Avon gas station owner when, he says, he bit into a hard chunk of metal inside a Dunkin’ Donuts chocolate chip muffin.


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