Fucking fuck 

You know. It sucks . My condition is getting worse. And I don’t know what to do . This post is currently being posted from a hospital.


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Well ….. FUCK

I have not posted in over two months. Here I’m sitting with a  cracker in hand thinking what to do.  Again fucking fuckity fucker. I keep forgetting to update here.


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Good morning are you happy to see me or is that caffeine in your underwear … Wait what?

Caffeine infused underwear.. Let that soak in for a moment or not .  Why in the hell would you want caffeine in your underwear? Worse yet its being marketed as a weight loss product!

The Federal Trade Commission said Wacoal America and Norm Thompson Outfitters, which owns Sahalie and others, were accused of deceptive advertising that claimed their caffeine-impregnated clothing would cause the wearer to lose weight and have less cellulite.

The bullshit factor is in the millions range at that point because if I counted all the Caffeine in my system at any given point i’d be about 2 pounds. Bullshit_Dock_Icon_by_XakorXDOf all the weird places to put caffeine , I think it would be underwear or ass.  Who ever thought of that must of been bored beyond sanity .


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Attack of the Christmas part III

Another year another holiday , What used to be called Christmas creep to me is now attack of the Christmas. When they started Christmas stuff in October I was angry, but now it seems we cant get the fuck through summer without some sort of Christmas.  Every Year we are losing the war on Christmas , soon we are going to get Christmas advertisements in April .. I was walking through a store in AUGUST… and what do I see to fill me with enough rage to make me light plastic santa clauses on fire… this…..

20140825_170952Are you fucking kidding me… ?

My answer to this ..

Nuke_itStores wonder why there Christmas sales are so poor around Christmas. They do not think that forcing christmas down our throat early and earlier is a bad thing. Actually it is . It starts to wears people out faster when they start having christmas music vomited out of every speaker in store just to get in the “spirit” of shopping.  This does not get me in the spirit at all, moreover it gets me in the spirit of getting the fuck out of that store faster.  In the long run companies lose out on profits by spreading out christmas more because people are like likely to impulse buy with christmas that is months and months away. Instead they will make decisions that will save some money and not do the christmas rush.  Not that I support the christmas early thing, but it spreads a lesser profit over a year and actually could result in less profits for the company.  These companies should put christmas back where it belongs after thanksgiving and focus on that time rather than bitch and moan that black friday was a huge loss.  Well fucking Duh …. People bought all there shit in August when you started putting your shit out.

If you give me the choice of proctology by hand grenade or Christmas music in the middle of the year. I will most definitely take the hand grenade thank you .  It is less painful and it gets you out of listening to the Christmas music.

2ngZocA

As far as advertisements are concerned K-mart has earned a special place in hell this year.  They put on a commercial for christmas by saying it was not a Christmas commercial. They seriously need a lesson in fucking timing.

They use weasel wording to get around the topic that its a christmas related commercial and try to act coy about it .  By saying its not christmas and having santa drive by in a handicap cart … wow fuck you K-mart.  Whoever the suit at K-mart thought this was a great idea should have a polar ice cap shoved up his ass.


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Coffee fillers…. What the hell did they learn there lesson from Pink slime?

In a world of cat and elephant shit coffee you’d expect your normal coffee to go untouched. That may be at an end.

Brazilian scientists have developed a new way of testing coffee grounds for fillers like corn, sticks (yep, as in wood), barley, and soybeans. The test, which detects the presence of sugars that wouldn’t normally be in pure java, is being presented at this week’s annual American Chemical Society meeting.

soo….. lets add some sticks and corn to my coffee and put it in the microwave …. mmmm Pop-tea-coffee-corn.  Not that this practice has been in use in the US yet. But if there is a test developed it means its in the pipeline.

“Adulterated coffee is something I’ve suspected in some work I’ve done in Russia and the Middle East, where there’s an extreme price point set for consumer products,” says Andrew Hetzel, a coffee industry consultant who leads training courses for the Coffee Quality Institute.

I guess we will all have to watch out for dunkin donuts and the like saying “CHECK OUT OUR NEW FLAVORS!” oh wait..

Dunkin Donuts to Launch First Hot Dark-Roast Coffee

Dunkin’ Donuts to Sell New Dark-Roast Nationwide Next Month

Dunkin’ Donuts, long known for its light coffee, is going dark, in the latest move to poach customers in the escalating java wars.

The unit of Dunkin’ Brands Group Inc. debuted its new dark-roast coffee, the first hot dark roast in its 64-year history, on Thursday at a Modesto, Calif., store, and plans to sell it nationwide starting Sept. 22.

Dunkin’ says the dark roast represents its most important coffee launch since it came…

Are coffees going to have the wonderful labels of common products that you don’t understand . Here’s a short list you might not want to read.

  • Polydimethylsiloxane

This is a common fast food additive, you’ll find PDMS include Silly Putty, anti-foaming agents, breast implants, dry-cleaning solutions, silicone and head-lice treatments. Yummy! 

  • Castoreum (You almost don’t want to know this one…)

Beaver anal juice can be commonly found in perfumes and colognes but are also sometimes used in raspberry products to enhance their flavor. wait what??  It can also be found in chewing gum and cigarettes. So the next time you have some gum or a cigarette folks … remember you are sucking beaver ass! Mmmmmmm….It is hard to imagine beaver anal juice enhancing the flavor of raspberries.

  • Silicon dioxide

Ever go to the beach and get sand in the crack of your ass that just wont go away ? Well, Silicon dioxide is added to coffee creamers.. While not gross, it ends up as fucking weird. its also in soups and salads. Maybe I just might bring a spoon to a beach and enjoy the seashore.

Ready to spit out beer? than read on ..

  • methylparaben

Find methylparaben in many wines, soft drinks, and fruit juice from concentrate… Enjoy it knowing that the additive originates in the vaginas of dogs when they are in heat. From the beavers ass to a dogs vagina.. mmmmmm…

  • Shellac

Secretions from the female Lac beetle used to finish wood products. Used as a candy coating…

So that’s what kind of fun is in foods that are preprocessed.  But all in all even if you did not know what you were ingesting..  No need to loose our fucking minds until they start adding raw dog shit as an ingredient.

 

In the end this list proves that there is no reason to add anything to coffee. Even though Arabica beans production is down this year by 10% there is no given reason to add sticks or any other random shit to coffee unless your rich, than you can add all the cat and elephant ass to your coffee you want.


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Elephant shit coffee….. How about no?

When I learned of cat shit coffee I had a good laugh. 50$ for cat shitted coffee … awesome! Kopi Luwak may be a good tasting coffee but it will not outlive the connotations of where it came from.

thumbA Kopi Luwak maker in action.

Now they are trying to get elephants in on the deal and are selling this coffee at a premium. We can thank forbes for this intuitive article ….

In Thailand, a company called Black Ivory Coffee has 20 elephants eat coffee beans and crap out the seeds. They are then harvested (lovingly, I’m sure) from small mountains of elephant droppings and then processed into coffee that runs $275 for 30 espresso cups, or about half a gallon of coffee on the top end. The company selling it tries to talk consumers into buying a special $299 coffee brewer because, after all, when you’re spending hundreds of dollars on special coffee, you want a special way to brew it.

At some point or another this is going to pique the interest of the lower end coffee companies and they are going off on there own tangent in labs to make strange coffees to scare the average consumer into drinking something else.

At any given point you will see dunkin donuts and starbucks hanging around zoos trying there hand in the top in coffee markets and not really give a shit but they will sure take one to get into this market.

elephant-poopThe new Dunkin Donuts fast brew station with miralax speed

Does this coffee taste good? It likely does.. have you ever wanted to tell a stock broker or a CEO  to eat shit?  You likely don’t have to , They already have and liked it.  It must be strange to be sitting around and saying well if cats can make coffee why not elephants. Next thing it will be is Cow Shit Coffee , Ferret fart coffee, Zippy Zebra coffee, As there will be buyers lined up around the block with wallets stuffed if it gets enough fanfare.


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Weed can kill you man…… Groovy! Nah what the fuck?

I was bored and ran into an article that just had clickbait written all over it .. Marijuana Use Linked to Two Deaths . Hmm ok, thats a new one to me , I will give it a click since maybe they had killer munchies. reading on.

Although marijuana may have a reputation as a relatively harmless drug, a new case report links it to the deaths of two young men in Germany.

From the department of I just want to make a name for myself from the subdivision of facts pulled out of my ass.  Now that the article has my attention with that starter I read onwards with expectation of massive death and destruction warnings on how weed will kill everyone on the planet

Toxicological examinations concluded that the men were under the influence of cannabis before they died, and traces of THC — the main active ingredient in marijuana — were found in the men’s blood and brain tissue, the researchers wrote in the report.

Well that tends to happen when you smoke weed, it just doesn’t blow out your ass when you inhale although that would be an interesting side effect. But, Yet this article still has not shown causality that would make me go “HOLY SHIT WEED IS GOING TO KILL ME!”.  Alright article you win this round , I’ll keep reading.

In both cases, the deaths were related to cardiovascular complications. In one of the deaths, a 23-year-old man without a history of health problems suddenly collapsed while using public transportation, and died after 40 minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation efforts, according to the case report based on postmortem investigations. The man had a small amount of marijuana in his pockets when he was found, according to the researchers at the Institute of Legal Medicine, University Hospital Duesseldorf in Germany, who reported the case.

Well now he had weed in his pocket… Highly observant but still no connection to the death .  Also attention given to no doctors instead “researchers” .  Usually when doctors figure out some live altering complication they slap there name all over that shit with “HEY LOOK AT THIS SHIT HERE! I found something that will kill everyone and I’m the guy that found it”.  The second case gets even more sketchy for the case of weed VS death.

In the second case described in the report, a 28-year-old man was found dead at home by his girlfriend. An ashtray, rolling paper and a sealable plastic bag containing remnants of marijuana were found next to the body. The man had occasionally used cannabis, the researchers wrote. He had also abused alcohol and drugs, such as amphetamines and cocaine until about two years before his death, they wrote.

Are you fucking kidding me?  The fact that the man had smoked weed was more prevalent than the fact that the man had smoked/snorted/inhaled/swallowed/rectally Whatevered fucking all the things that can blow your heart out.. Article I’m loosing you. The fact that the guy did drugs was what likely caused damage to him before he even thought about the cheeze-its in the fridge after taking his first drag off of the weed. Well for fucks sakes lets keep reading and see where journalistic integrity gets you. …

“After exclusion of other causes of death, we assume that the young men died from cardiovascular complications evoked by smoking cannabis,” the researchers wrote.

“We assume the deaths of these two young men occurred due to arrhythmias evoked by smoking cannabis,” but this assumption does not rule out that the men were predisposed to cardiovascular risks, they wrote.

Wait? what?? For fucks sake you just wrote this whole article to completely contradict itself in one sentence… NO SHIT, There was a predisposition  using cocaine and amphetamines leaves you just at a slight risk of a predisposition. Again, Without naming names, who wrote this shit anyways ghost written by Mr Mackey…

 

421095380a474621755b267556338ml

Nikolas P. Lemos, the chief forensic toxicologist for the San Francisco Medical Examiner’s Office, said there have been confirmed cases in which marijuana has had harmful effects on the heart.

“The potential cardiotoxicity of cannabis has been reported in peer-reviewed abstracts as well as scientific proceedings before, including by my team,” Lemos said.

Well fucking lah dee dah ! A name Holy shit Dr Lemos !  But this line of text is irrelevant! No hard numbers and its just weasel wording. Saying something happened without the statistics to back it up makes it look so much more foreboding.  Using this wording I could say that there is a chance of death by having coffee squirt out of your ass and eyeballs because its happened.  Moreover I am willing to bet if they used the statistics to back this up it would make it look terrible and give it a statistical chance worse than getting killed by a lightning strike (1 in 700,000), a shark bite (1 in 265,000,000 ) , or a coconut(1:250,000,000) vs the odds of winning powerball (1:275,000,000). How shitty is that.. you are more likely to die from a coconut than win fucking powerball! The odds of dieing from marijuana have to be astronomical.. Meaning you have a better chance of winning powerball! Fuck it game over, I give up on this trash if I read anymore I’ll die of stupidity contracted from Dr. Lemos which is statistically still higher than dieing from marijuana…….

Lemos said he hopes the report will raise awareness of the potential health complications of marijuana use. “I am delighted to see this additional work in hope that medical examiners, coroners and physicians will realize that they need to collect specimens, test for cannabis in post-mortem fluids and consider the contributions of cannabis in the death investigations.

“We simply cannot, any longer, adhere to the old mentality that ‘marijuana does not kill,” Lemos told Live Science. “We are now seeing evidence from my office and elsewhere that it just might.”

Wait What.. why did I keep reading this… My brain hurts.  “From my office…. and Elsewhere” WHERE!? at Dr lemos ‘s house while he was taking a shit going “how can i put myself on the map !” .  These people are something else… Statistically typing these letters have a higher fatality rate over a lifetime than this shit.  Wow.

My final thought to this insanity. Did fox news write this “peer reviewed” paper with Dr Oz as a sponsor?

 


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Swedish Cooking has been brought to you by this local Station and salmon fisheries around the world


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The price of coffee and you.

About 3 years ago the price of coffee went up in all the coffee places around, which was understandable due to the market price of coffee went through the fucking roof.  now that the markets are going back up yet again chains are putting there coffee prices slightly higher, the problem is the prices never went back down when the price of coffee (commodity) went down.93b697f3caee4a86d9e698bf9d3fbac4Yes the prices have jumped for year 2014 but look at the price in 2011 , we should of seen a decrease in those prices. I know someone will say BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHER PRICES. Oil has stayed somewhat stable but what ever the fuck they do to increase on that is always a mystery, its like someone goes “SHIT the suns out SOMEONE INCREASE GAS PRICES QUICK!” . Milk prices are slightly up and there is a multitude of reasons for that that could get its own post, but considering the milk to coffee ratio it would have a lesser effect on the total price.

Funny-Money-45A lot of the times companies find the easy way to raise the price of things is “insert random thing happening here to a small portion of the total that really doesn’t have on effect on the thing in question”. Bob shit himself again.. RAISE PRICES! of all the times I’ve read about oil refinery fires and how they are going to spike gas prices , doing a little research you find out that said refinery is only responsible for 0.1% of total fuel production, that makes you go WTF are they making there?  It seems every other commodity market has gone into the practice of manufactured disasters or some sort of market manipulation to increase prices.

 

CWT financed ten rounds of herd retirements from 2003 to 2010, during which CWT was responsible for removing over 500,000 cows from production, reducing the nation’s milk supply by approximately 10 billion pounds…. By the end of the program in 2010, it was responsible for a cumulative increase in milk price revenue of $9.55 billion.

That resulted in a class action suit for price fixing. Since its not about supply and demand, its more over about money and more money.  So at this point I’ll stick to making my coffee at home.

 


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Dunkin Donuts unveils coffee flavored donuts …….. WTF?

Apparently Dunkin Donuts just does not get it… they have completely lost connection with there customer base.  They have released a Coffee flavored donut… Denis Leary has an opinion to this new donut.

Denis LearyDunkin Donuts has lost there fucking minds.  They are going to make coffee flavored donuts but not coffee fucking flavored coffee. Most dunkin donuts you walk into you have a shot in the dark on getting a coffee that is remotely drinkable for long.  Generally when you order and iced coffee and use the system of dunkin donuts that they have , You can get an ok flavored coffee but when its hot outside by the time you walk 50 feet from the store you are drinking coffee water.  Its an annoying prospect, it makes you want to fire your coffee like a hand grenade that really has no gratification.

The Glazed Coffee Creme donut is made with a glazed yeast shell and filled with coffee buttercream. It’s topped with a drizzle of chocolate icing. The Coffee, Creme & Sugar Donut is also made with a glazed yeast shell and stuffed with coffee butter creme and topped with powdered sugar. The two donuts will only be available for a limited time at participating Dunkin’ Donuts locations.

At a guess these donuts maybe a better flavor than their coffee , who knows I might stick a straw into a donut and just see.  Honey Dew donuts on the other hand has gone to another extreme they have made a Maple Bacon donut.. Breakfast overload! They are not fucking around…

omg-bacon-funny-catWhile bacon is good, Putting bacon on everything on the fucking planet just doesn’t work all the time.

  82442934

No!baconlube1

WTF?bb3

MMMMM bacon tits…. but no.BaconSandwichYES! FUCKING BACON SANDWICH…

Anyways… enough bacon.. Dunkin Donuts is so proud of their new donuts they have put out a press release for it .

Dunkin’ Donuts also unveiled new Coffee Creme Donuts, the brand’s first donuts made with Dunkin’ Donuts’ famous Original Blend Coffee.

Utoh… re-read that… made with Dunkin’ Donuts’ famous Original Blend Coffee.. Joy! Boiled ass in donut form now! Rather than fuck with a time tested recipe for donuts .. why not make… COFFEE??? If Denis Leary walked into a dunkin donuts right now he’d go on a rampage , smoke 17 packs of cigarettes than go on the hunt for the elusive coffee flavored coffee.

Mind you these day the closest coffee places to me are Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks… its like a personal hell of coffee drinking, I’ve gone from getting coffee out of the house to getting coffee from the coffee maker. The last trip I made to starbucks was a 15 minute wait while 5 people could not figure out how to make coffee…. it was a strange and awe inspiring journey into a strange land, my hope for coffee places fades as they fuck about, I am  waiting for the release of Bacon flavored sour patch kid coffee from either place at this rate.


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