Fucking fuck 

You know. It sucks . My condition is getting worse. And I don’t know what to do . This post is currently being posted from a hospital.


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Holy Shit it’s only Tuesday!: A bit on things about things 1.

I know I have not posted too much over the year but I keep saying the same thing, I’ll fucking post at one point. Over the past year I have picked up another hobby- Interest.  Archery.

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You may think what the fuck. in all the interest in the world you come up with that! Well… yes … Yes I have .. Because if your are going to  do something you might as well have fun doing it, In the past year I have had more issues with loosing the ability of moving my arms to a degree.  It’s annoying,  It makes me want to be like an old G I Joe.  if the arm is fucked… add another.  But , Anyways,  I was in therapy at the time and I knew someone that took up archery , Their movements was exactly replicated what I was doing in therapy,  And I thought to myself, Hey….. I can do this and destroy things……?

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Well now… Fuck me I am in! Mind you it has not been the easiest road and Its been a journey into myself that made me realize how much I have lost.  That day I went to a sporting goods store and tried my hand at shopping for a bow. At the very moment you enter a sporting goods store that’s bigger than your average Cumberland farms You will realize three things if you purchase something from a big box store.

  1. As much as the employees give you recommendations… They don’t know shit about things.
  2. The first purchase you make at a big box store in order to acclimate yourself to a new hobby will be a waste.
  3. What ever money you put out you will realize you should of gone to “X store” to begin with.

In those three things you will reflect and end up realizing every mistake you could possibly make is in the first 20 minutes of buying your first bow with no help.  After you buy your first bow you will have delusions of grandeur, The first time you hit the center of the target you think your motherfucking Rambo,  and can take out the army

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But in Archery there is something that will snap you back  into reality faster than an exploding tank. The first time you do it , its an awe inspiring shot of reality of how well you really know archery.

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The first time you do that , You will reflect for a moment of how exactly you fucked up and attempt to never do that again and not two seconds later you will end up doing the same thing like a sadist on the weekend at a convention.

 

In almost a year , I have got some strength in my arms.

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Its a good feeling to be able not to feel like you’re falling apart or even able to pick up things. Even with the advent of this I have my problems, fine coordination is out the window .  but in the very least I  can do a bit more . I figure this is a good starting point for now… but for now this is it and I will add more later.

 

-Mike

 

 


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I keep looking at something and my life keeps me insane just enough to figure out I am forgetting this

Yes , I know .. It has been awhile, I am in a cycle of looking and than forgetting to update this site.  It’s deplorable, It’s damn shitty  at that.   This site has existed nearly 11 years and It has had its share of ups and downs.

I feel kind of shitty in the thought I have let this site go to an almost non-existence.  Its been a long three years and I can’t say that It was easy , I can not say it was hard either.  Things are starting to look up. I have my sanity…. Maybe?funny-cat-sanity-crazy-question

Somethings of course are starting to look down. My health has always been a contention in my life, I want to stay healthy and I cant say that I have kept up due to pain.  I live in pain every day.


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It’s June ..

I’ve been updating a little more , its been missed but the atomic bullshit of the world pretty much made the last 3 years a blank spot.  In a way I am glad I did not post and in another way I know i should of. Sometimes the clarity of the world is a bit brighter in pixels when you can weed out the bullshit. Cut-the-Nuclear-grade-Bullshit-will-ya-buddy-Life-is-hard-enough-without-the-smell-of-what-you39re-dishing-out-meme-14752

Bullshit is everywhere , Everyone trying to forward there own agendas just to do something what they want to do without care for others , and when its brought up its brought up in a way that they bring the person staying out into the bullshit. With all of the bullshit thought I remain happy in way , Happier than I’ve been in ages. I wake up knowing the bullshit is outside when I wake up and in parts of my body but none the less the mornings start bullshit freeish*.

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The annoyance of where the bullshit starts is me, my bullshit body more specifically … I was given a bad hand in the genetics department and if I wrote everything down here that was known about my genetics you’d all go that’s bullshit. I live in pain day to day , and its really bullshit, to the point that I do not feel like bullshiting with people because my pain is to the degree of bullshit.  The degree of things I do to keep myself going is pretty maddening to say the least, though I always say things could be worse.  I spent the last year trying to get down on my medications in order not to feel like another bullshit situation that has darkened the last few years.

I’ve got to the point where therapy actually has done more harm than good and its really one of those moments that makes you reflect on what kind of bullshit I have to deal with.  It is sad when  the thing that is supposed to help me heal is actually diametrically opposed to what it actually did, The bullshit meter is off the charts on that one.  acowIts getting to tough times , I am not sure where the future will lead and I know it will be tough but, I know this. I will wake up in the morning and  I will say bullshit to the pain I know that will eventually curtail my days actions.  I do what I can and I will continue to do what i can.  I wake up in pain I goto sleep in pain. There was an episode of House that actually made an expression of how I feel .  Here’s a quote.6b8944438f56d004d8a72ef1cc9ad07c

 

For all the times I wake up in the morning thinking today will be good I am proven wrong with my body going bullshit and having the feeling of having a hot piece of glass shoved through my arm while having it frozen than hot water splashed liberally over it.  It pisses me off , It punishes those around me since I cant do anything. I feel like I have no worth. Worse is when I try to hide my condition because I don’t compassion , I want to be normal and sometimes people just take advantage of It.  I hide my pain for other peoples comfort and sometimes its a bit much and I withdraw.  Sometimes keeping the “nice” face on is more of a pain than the pain it self.  When I show myself its because I am comfortable and I know that who i show myself to cares.  but otherwise If your going to walk over me or say something contrary to the position when you have no knowledge of , please keep your bullshit to yourself you’re contributing to global warming from the bullshit that’s spraying from your lips and all the hot air.

 

To which end.. the people who I let into my world and I let them see under my shell. I am glad they are there. They understand me and have kept me sane enough to wake up every morning and face the bullshit with a smile* (or whatever face i can muster that’s marginally better than agonized.) . Maybe they will never see this post but know this I love them very much for putting up with my bullshit.

 

Anyhow… Till next post.

 

PS: the word of the day is bullshit! (22)


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