Well ….. FUCK

I have not posted in over two months. Here I’m sitting with a  cracker in hand thinking what to do.  Again fucking fuckity fucker. I keep forgetting to update here.


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It’s June ..

I’ve been updating a little more , its been missed but the atomic bullshit of the world pretty much made the last 3 years a blank spot.  In a way I am glad I did not post and in another way I know i should of. Sometimes the clarity of the world is a bit brighter in pixels when you can weed out the bullshit. Cut-the-Nuclear-grade-Bullshit-will-ya-buddy-Life-is-hard-enough-without-the-smell-of-what-you39re-dishing-out-meme-14752

Bullshit is everywhere , Everyone trying to forward there own agendas just to do something what they want to do without care for others , and when its brought up its brought up in a way that they bring the person staying out into the bullshit. With all of the bullshit thought I remain happy in way , Happier than I’ve been in ages. I wake up knowing the bullshit is outside when I wake up and in parts of my body but none the less the mornings start bullshit freeish*.

funny-bullshit-calling-meme

The annoyance of where the bullshit starts is me, my bullshit body more specifically … I was given a bad hand in the genetics department and if I wrote everything down here that was known about my genetics you’d all go that’s bullshit. I live in pain day to day , and its really bullshit, to the point that I do not feel like bullshiting with people because my pain is to the degree of bullshit.  The degree of things I do to keep myself going is pretty maddening to say the least, though I always say things could be worse.  I spent the last year trying to get down on my medications in order not to feel like another bullshit situation that has darkened the last few years.

I’ve got to the point where therapy actually has done more harm than good and its really one of those moments that makes you reflect on what kind of bullshit I have to deal with.  It is sad when  the thing that is supposed to help me heal is actually diametrically opposed to what it actually did, The bullshit meter is off the charts on that one.  acowIts getting to tough times , I am not sure where the future will lead and I know it will be tough but, I know this. I will wake up in the morning and  I will say bullshit to the pain I know that will eventually curtail my days actions.  I do what I can and I will continue to do what i can.  I wake up in pain I goto sleep in pain. There was an episode of House that actually made an expression of how I feel .  Here’s a quote.6b8944438f56d004d8a72ef1cc9ad07c

 

For all the times I wake up in the morning thinking today will be good I am proven wrong with my body going bullshit and having the feeling of having a hot piece of glass shoved through my arm while having it frozen than hot water splashed liberally over it.  It pisses me off , It punishes those around me since I cant do anything. I feel like I have no worth. Worse is when I try to hide my condition because I don’t compassion , I want to be normal and sometimes people just take advantage of It.  I hide my pain for other peoples comfort and sometimes its a bit much and I withdraw.  Sometimes keeping the “nice” face on is more of a pain than the pain it self.  When I show myself its because I am comfortable and I know that who i show myself to cares.  but otherwise If your going to walk over me or say something contrary to the position when you have no knowledge of , please keep your bullshit to yourself you’re contributing to global warming from the bullshit that’s spraying from your lips and all the hot air.

 

To which end.. the people who I let into my world and I let them see under my shell. I am glad they are there. They understand me and have kept me sane enough to wake up every morning and face the bullshit with a smile* (or whatever face i can muster that’s marginally better than agonized.) . Maybe they will never see this post but know this I love them very much for putting up with my bullshit.

 

Anyhow… Till next post.

 

PS: the word of the day is bullshit! (22)


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Concerning Hobbits …… musings of life.

I’ve not typed anything about me here for ages.   I am generally a kept to self person….. The last post about me was about vaping, and how I have quit smoking..

 

smoking-with-style-funny-600x329 Its been great…  I have cut myself down to 1mg of nicotine in the last year .  The thing is when I goto a doctor and ask if i smoke and show them the E-cig and explain that I have 1mg nicotine they actually don’t even count me as smoking/vaping.  So there is the good shit on that.

 

Healthwise and half of why I have not been here is my health ..  Pain and Numbness have progressed faster than I would like it to, Its a scary factor to say that I cant use half of my arm for some basic functions.  With my hands they feel like if you have put them in a snowbank and than poured extremely hot water on them, body-wise i am doing whatever the fuck I can. When I was told by the neurologist that I pretty much damned if I do and Damned if i dont its a pretty fucked up situation there.

With my life there have been many ups and downs and I’ve seen the bottom and I’ve peered at the top , after what happened to me in 2013 I am lucky every day to wake up and find my feet on the ground.  But my health has just not kept up with me and I wont let it keep me down.  I’ve been bordering the pissed off zone for awhile and I’ve needed an outlet that I can go off on.  I fight the challenge of each day and try to live my life.

Just a short update while I fix up things here.


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I keep saying I need to post more…..

Its been months since I’ve actually posted consistently.

I have my reasons as my life has been one thing after another… but, I am going to try to get back to this at a regular basis.  For one.. I’d rather post here. While facebook is an option its kind of like being in a dog park… Everyone is sniffing your ass wondering what you are doing and whether they agree with you or disagree they blow smoke up your ass if they think your position on things is not in line with theirs.  I don’t need that, I really don’t give a fuck if you find my posts on coffee or other stuff offensive.  I’m me I’ll post what I want how I want and that is all there is too it.

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I’ve always disliked facebook because if someone finds your post offensive to them they can cause trouble…. Mainly you have no creative control over your posts, No style , No way to keep your posts to your target. Sure the website is come one come call , but if you don’t like it … At least on this end of things unlike facebook it does not keep post vomit in your face.  Nor do I have to constantly fool with settings inside facebook. I am not going to make it where there is “friend system”. Facebook in it self is a disaster of code. I do not give ten fucks if you need 1023823 friends to get a chicken on your farm to fuck a leopard to get a land expansion.  I like simplicity .

As it stands with facebook it is likely everyone of the post you make are analyzed and sold off to marketers.  In reality facebook is more like test to see how you respond to certain stimuli.  If you took Pavlov’s Dogs and applied it to facebook it would unsurprisingly fit will……

In his initial experiments, Pavlov presented a stimulus and then gave the dog food; after a few repetitions, the dogs started to salivate in response to the bell. Pavlov called the stimulus the conditioned (or conditional) stimulus (CS) because its effects depend on its association with food.

Now lets see how facebook works on the same logic.

Facebookline

In  initial experiments, Facebook presented a stimulus and then gave the Human a like; after a few repetitions, the Humans started to Post in response to the like. Facebook called the stimulus the conditioned (or conditional) stimulus (CS) because its effects depend on its association with Liked Post.

Fucking fantastic to know facebook just wants you to be their dog to just get more information out of  you.  Privacy issues aside which are extreme. Facebook sucks, I’ve given up posting there. I will keep my postings here and if you find them and like them that’s fucking great.

Facebook is a step back in the age of the internet, Its going back to the bottleneck days of everyone has a portal and is stuck in there own prisons  like AOL / Compuserve… Mostly to keep you in there own small toxic universes until they melt down and the users get fucked with a roadcone sideways.

 

All I have too say is…

fuck-facebook-110453014618


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What the hell? Part IV

I’ve touched in the past of personal issues, and while I do not go into details, things are progressing.  While the person whom has caused me the most trouble has quieted down, that person still occasionally makes some noise that drives me mad.. I’ve got myself some momentum and have been slowly getting things in order, to which has been the slowest of all things.

Just a short post but , none the less a post of things .


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What the hell? Part III

I’ve posted in the past about my goings in life… Rather Cryptically but nonetheless I’ve posted about it. Things are still the same as they have been.  A bit quieter, A bit of new, a bit of old, Trying to rebuild my life from near scratch.  You would figure in almost a year things would calm down or go away … No such luck, Its a painful thing, and I live with the hate thrown at me every day for crazy shit I’ve had nothing to do with. While this life is a new, and trying to rebuild and set a base for myself, Its a day to day struggle where I wake up each day and remind myself to move forward and not dwell in the past.  I still want to be left alone by this person and they may never understand or even understand what damage they have done.  As I work myself to the next step, I’ve finally followed up and started to update this site on a semi regular basis and while maybe no one reads this I am trying to get myself back into the swing of things.

On that note, updates will keep coming to the site as i try to find my place with the site again. After taking such a long break from coffeecommander I feel like I’ve slipped in my abilities with posts.  While I can vomit out a 900 word post I am just feeling that I slipped where I could get more across in less words.


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Merry Christmas

Well another christmas has passed and that means this site is another year older.

Coffeecommander.net is now 5 years old. its hard to believe it but, i started the site as a little site to myself and its grown in some numbers.

Again Merry Christmas to all


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Site locked to new users temporarly.

Due to this site getting flooded by spammers i am temporarily locking out the ability to make new accounts .


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More stuff.

Small updates for now due to my arm being messed up.  Just trying to get my page set up for easier reading. Its not exactly finished so i’ll keep tinkering till I’m happy with the setup


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Hello there.

Well I’ve been busy in a painful way.. had surgery on my elbow and it has not been the most pleasant of experiences.  Recovering as i type this.. but it does feel like there has been a positive change.

I’ve been trying to make the site look a little better , its just for what i can use nothing really comes exactly close to what i want.


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